Why Small Group Gatherings Are the Best Way to Make Friends as an Expat

Meeting new people is one of the hardest parts of moving abroad. Large networking events and crowded meetups can leave you with a stack of business cards but no real connections. A growing number of expats are instead turning to small, repeated gatherings of roughly four to twelve people built around a shared activity — book clubs, potluck dinners, co-working mornings, hiking groups — rather than one-off big parties.

This approach isn't just a preference; it lines up with decades of social psychology research on how friendships actually form.

Why Small Groups Work Better Than Big Events

Dunbar's Number and the "Support Clique"

British anthropologist Robin Dunbar's research on social group sizes found that people maintain a small "support clique" of around five close relationships and a wider "sympathy group" of about 15. Groups in the 4–12 range sit inside that natural tier, which is one reason they tend to produce deeper connections than a room of 50 strangers: everyone can realistically be part of the same conversation, and no one gets lost in the noise.

Friendship Takes Measurable Time

A widely cited 2018 study by communication researcher Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found it takes roughly 50 hours of time together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and around 200 hours to become a close friend. Large, infrequent events rarely deliver that many hours with the same people. A recurring small gathering — the same six or eight people meeting monthly or even weekly — accumulates those hours far faster.

Shared Activity Lowers the Pressure

Small groups built around a specific activity (a recurring dinner, a language exchange, a running club) give people something to do together besides making small talk. That shared task — often called "contextual anchoring" — reduces the social pressure to perform and lets conversation develop naturally as a byproduct.

How to Build Your Own Small Group

1. Start with a clear purpose. "Hiking and brunch, first Sunday of the month" works better than a vague "let's hang out sometime."
2. Use the 80/20 rule for invites. Bring mostly people you already know, with room for one or two new faces each time, so the group slowly widens instead of staying closed.
3. Make it recurring. A one-off event rarely becomes a friendship. A standing monthly or biweekly slot does.
4. Keep the group small on purpose. Once a group passes about eight people, conversation naturally splits into two or three side conversations rather than one shared discussion.
5. Pick a low-cost, low-barrier format. A potluck, a board games night, or a shared walk removes the financial and logistical friction that keeps people from showing up consistently.

For expats specifically, local interest-based meetups and "Verein" or society-style clubs (common across Europe) are a practical way to find a recurring small group rather than starting one from scratch.

Checklist: Finding or Starting a Small Friend Group Abroad

• Identify one topic or activity you could talk about or do for 30+ minutes without preparation
• Invite 2–3 people you already know, and ask each to bring one person you don't
• Set a recurring date (same day, same cadence) rather than a one-off
• Keep the group under 10–12 people so everyone stays in one conversation
• Give it at least three to four sessions before judging whether it's "working" — friendship takes repeated hours, not one good night

Related Reading

• Making Friends in Germany: A Guide for New Expats
• Making Friends in Sweden: Why 'Joining a Förening' Is the Best Advice
• How to Use 'Meetup' and 'Parkrun' to Make Friends in the UK
• Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends in the UK? A 2025 Expat Guide

Sources

• Dunbar, R.I.M. — Research on social group size ("Dunbar's number")
• University of Kansas — "Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend" (Hall, 2018)
• [U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community (2023)](https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/connection/index.html)
• Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters (Riverhead Books)